My Upcoming Fiscal Budget

I've decided to release my budget for the upcoming fiscal year, just as Pres. Bush did today.
I'm going to cut my car payment spending. But I am going to borrow money from the people who I pay my cell bill to so that I can increase my alcohol budget. A portion of the money that used to go to the dentist and optometrist will now be forwarded to those people who have convinced me to renew my Rolling Stone subscription. The doctors will have to either do more fundraising or cut their spending. I figure my teeth are "jacked up" (as the kids like to say) and not able to be fixed, so screw it. I will, however, be investing more money into my iPod because I like that and it brings me enjoyment. The money from that will be taken from both my electric company and the city because that stuff, again, isn't really necessary. Spending will also increase in the area of coffee and cereal, because there is no better way to start your day. I will also not be giving as much money to unnecessary efforts such as the Salvation Army and the Red Cross because I have money and will not be affected by a hurricane, so what good are they to me? It doesn't matter all of the other people they help. They don't pay me, so why should I help them?
The largest increase will go to my wife, because, as well all know, we wouldn't be safe if not for her. This budget will be approved by my loan officer, because we know that money grows on trees, and if the tree runs out of leaves, we'll just progress to another forest.